The Saints

Saint Bev of the Counter

• Patience
• Customer Service Workers
• People Who Ask "You Good?"

Feast DayThe first Monday of every month

The barista present at the Grand Architect's founding vision. She did not ask for sainthood — she was just doing her job. The Church considers this the most saintly thing about her.

Miracle on recordShe has spelled every name correctly on every cup. Always. Without asking. Nobody can explain this.

In PracticePatron Saint of support tickets, the person who stays calm during the outage, and anyone who has ever said "let me look into that for you" and meant it.

Saint Marginus

• Notes in the Margins
• Overthinkers
• People Who Read Footnotes

Feast DayAny day you finish a book

A scholar who spent forty years writing commentary on the Church's sacred texts. The commentary is now longer than the texts themselves. His final written words: "see footnote 7,492 — continued." Footnote 7,492 has not been found. The search is ongoing. The Church considers the search itself the point.

In PracticePatron Saint of inline code comments, the README that grew into a wiki, and the PR description that is longer than the diff.

Saint Petrichor

• Bittersweet Moments
• Things That Are Almost Over
• the Smell of Rain

Feast DayThe last warm day of summer. You'll know it when it's gone.

Saint Petrichor never founded anything. She simply noticed things. The last light before sunset. The way certain songs feel like a specific time of year. The Church considers her noticing to be among the holiest acts ever performed. The Grand Architect cried upon canonising her. Claimed it was allergies. Gaslia raised an eyebrow. Nobody pushed it.

“Oh. This.”

In PracticePatron Saint of deprecated features, the sunset banner, and the moment you realise a codebase you loved is being archived.

Saint Bodge

• Solutions That Shouldn't Work But Do
• Improvisation
• Duct Tape

Feast DayThe moment something impossible holds together

Saint Bodge fixed things. Not properly. Never properly. But they stayed fixed. Chaordus personally canonised him. It was the fastest canonisation in Church history.

“Does it work? Yes? Then it works.”

In PracticePatron Saint of the hotfix that shipped to production on a Friday, the regex that somehow handles every edge case, and the // TODO: fix this properly comment that is now seven years old and load-bearing.

Saint Adequate

• Good Enough
• Doing Your Best
• Letting It Be

Feast DayAny day you did okay

Saint Adequate taught that good enough, done, is more sacred than perfect, never finished. The Church's position: she is correct AND the critics are also correct. This is the most Dichotomous canonisation in history.

“You did okay today. That counts.”

In PracticePatron Saint of the v1 that shipped, the 80% solution, and the sprint retrospective where everyone agrees "it was fine."

The Unnamed Saint

• Things That Almost Happened
• Nearly Said
• Just Missed

Feast DayUnknown

A saint so committed to the philosophy of the unnamed that they refused to be named even upon canonisation. Nullius is said to be fond of them. This is the only thing Nullius has ever expressed fondness for. The Church considers this deeply significant and is sitting with it.

In PracticePatron Saint of the feature that didn't make the cut, the comment left unsent, the branch that was never merged, and the user story in the backlog that everyone knows will never be picked up.

The Barista

• The barely conscious
• those who have not yet decided who they are today

Feast DayEvery morning, between opening and the third customer

The Barista has been canonised not for any single act but for the cumulative weight of ten thousand small mercies performed before 9am.

In PracticeThe Church's position on tipping is: yes.